Tuesday, 11 April 2017

Honest Feelings On Situation With Ex-Friend

Two week later, and I'm still nowhere near moving past the betrayal and hurt that the situation brought up. I'm having her in my nightmares and scared of going to therapy due to the anxiety of seeing my ex-friend in Edinburgh. This anxiety is ever growing, and broken sleep is bothersome when it comes to studying.

But, here are my honest feelings and thoughts on this situation.

That is no way to treat someone, with mental illness or otherwise. This was a toxic friendship in which using a person's crises and hospitalisations as a way to feel better about themselves. That is sad and absolutely sick. You started to use me as a way to feel better about yourself. At least I'm glad that you've felt better about yourself when my reality and life was crumbling around me.
I feel really sorry for people who are friends with you who you might be putting through this without them realising, like you did with me. Stop feeding off of people's weaknesses. I feel sorry for the clients in your counselling practice who you might have, unintentionally or otherwise, put in that same position. I don't want for people with emotional problems to have to go through this, especially whom you're friends with. I'm tired of having nightmares about you, and being scared of going to therapy due to the off chance that I'll see you.
Let's hope no one else crosses your path that was as desperate for real friends as I was and who was that mentally unwell as I was during those moments. They don't need a person like that, who will just be there to feel better about themselves.

I do hope you feel good about how you've done this with me, at least it's made you happy. At least it was a way for you to feel like you have a purpose. And, I'm not happy that I've been used in that way, and never will be. And don't you dare do this to other people, because you might hurry them more than you've hurt me.

Reevaluate yourself, and notice things about yourself that need changing. And no, it's not other people. It's you. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself "what have I turned into" because I am not going to give you that answer, otherwise, I'll be here all day. I've done my best to work out what needs changing in my life, and have taken those necessary steps. Now, it's your turn. And I'm saying this because I don't want you to end up in the same rut that I've ended up in, friendship wise. You don't want to end up feeling alone like I did, because there's no escape from feeling that loneliness once you're there. It's a never ending pit, that consumes you slowly.

I'm done.